Reclaiming Male Role Models

RMRM 012 | Eva Clay | How to Deepen Connection to Your Masculine Core

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EVA CLAY, LCSW is a true wild woman. An acclaimed psychotherapist, tantrika, sex geek, and muse, her mission is to illuminate the ménage-a-trois of body, mind, and spirit in all our relating. She has helped thousands of people to achieve hot, healthy, holistic love.

As a professor of neuroscience, Eva bodaciously reminds us that the brain is our biggest sex organ, and with great elegance she marries the profound with the playful.  Always called to uplift sexual wellness, she’s worked for 20-years a sex educator and healer.

She offers self-love and erotic intelligence programs for both women and men.  On her off time you might find her crashing open mic events in Venice Beach.

In this episode we talk about:
  • How to know if you’re in your body (or if you’re not!).
  • How our breath is the GPS of our life, and why it’s so important to be in touch with it.
  • How to get more embodied using breath, and why it’s essential to creating intimacy in relationships.
Quotes from this episode:

“Love Warriors. The masculine is one who protects, one who provides and does so out of love. Does so out of devotion. Devotion to his tribe, to his woman, to his family.”

“I don’t think it’s requisite to hate men if you’ve been violated by one.”

“Emotional awareness is an absolute necessity to enter a state of empathy. If you’re not emotionally aware then it’s going to be hard for you to develop a deep intimacy with another human being.”

Resources from this episode:

RMRM011 | Mariane Karou | Appreciating Men, From a Woman’s Perspective

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MARIANE KAROU is the founder of Dance Alive, Inc., an integrated, comprehensive system of movement. Her professional life began at age 18 teaching preschool, where within a month she had become the director of the entire drama/dance department. Today she is a formative leader, master teacher,innovator and pioneer in the field of movement, somatic education and life training. She is recognized as an expert in stimulating creativity, clarity, and balance throughout one’s whole life.

In this episode we talk about:

  • Seeing her brother develop schizophrenia and be healed by dance therapy, only to have it taken away and see his illness return.
  • The necessity of embodiment practices for all men AND women.
  • What every woman needs to know in order to have loving, communicative, and empowered relationships with men.
  • The exact things that make men so relatable and lovable.
  • Choosing between worldwide fame and success or her family, and how her choice ended up allowing her to have greater impact than she’d ever have been able to otherwise.

Quotes from this episode:

“By me actually receiving your energy it’s like wow! Not only can I use this for me in everywhere that I need to go, I can also give it back to you and say thank you. Thank you for your energy. Thank you for your attention. Thank you for being so present with me. Thank you for being so steady and connected to yourself.”

“I can’t include you as a male if I’m not including myself as a female.”

“[As a woman] men are always telling you how they feel. They don’t always use words but they’re so clearly on board. That’s what I love about men. If I’m open men are just right there, so present. All they’re waiting for is women to be open.”

Resources from this episode:

  • www.dancealive.com

RMRM010 | Kevin Hedeen | The Power of Authenticity

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Kevin Hedeen was born in Detroit Michigan almost 56 years ago. From ages 10-15 he lived in Frankfort Germany and from age 15-17 he lived in Port Elizabeth South Africa.

He found his way into the pharmaceutical industry as an analytical chemist, a good paying job that led him to marriage and two sons. Inside he was guarded to the point where he was mostly numb to what he felt – although experiencing the birth of his children gave him a glimpse of what his world of feeling could be like.

In 1995 Kevin was introduced to the ManKind project and did the New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) weekend, where he opened himself to a deep inner journey that helped him release and heal within a container of powerful men. He’s been in the same men’s group since then, and has gone on to serve as staff for 47 trainings.

Kevin continues to sit in the discomfort of fully expressing his bisexuality within a monogamous relationship to a loving and powerful woman. He is currently leaning into a new phase of his life that includes community circles that are co-gender, while continuing to engage circles of men.  He seeks to expand himself to deeper understandings of people who are different from him as he redefines himself as a licensed clinical social worker after 26 years as an analytical chemist.

In this conversation we discuss:

  • His work as an established leader with The ManKind Project
  • Using authenticity and emotion to step into leadership
  • Coming out as bisexual to his sons
  • Balancing anger and power with listening and passivity in a healthy way

Quotes from this episode:

“I’ve been very engaged by my relationships with men, how they moved inside of me and shifted me into a place where I could step authentically into what leadership was for me… It was more about just being who I am.”

“I can be powerful in my authentic self… it’s not always about tears and pain… yet I need to reveal that part to allow the fullness of myself to come forward.”  

“There’s a compassionate side of me that’s more nurturing and more interested in holding what a man has to say, as opposed to galvanizing or inspiring them to make a change. I see the opportunity to balance these two energies, the masculine and feminine in me.” 

Can Being A Good Father Change The World?

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For the most part we learn and develop our relationship skills through the modelling and integration of how our parents communicated and loved. For a lot of people that’s an incredibly good thing, and for others, it can be a challenge to unlearn unhealthy behaviours so that they can thrive in their romantic relationships.

The real struggle(and empowered truth) is that relationship skills appear to be hereditary. And what our parents struggle with, likely theirs did as well. It’s not about pointing fingers, being a victim, or blaming them for our faults. I see many behaviours I’ve picked up from observing my parents and/or other mentors. But instead of using these challenges as the reason to stay stuck and blame them for our relationship failures, we can see that this awareness allows us to change the pattern.

My father and I share many deep conversations on love. Unlike the models that most men are taught, my father has always been exceptionally good at peering into my heart. He would ask the right questions to get to the bottom of my fears, and even further, he would allow me the safe and loving space to be who I was and feel everything I was feeling. Regardless of whether it was considered “manly”. Read more

RMRM009 | Boysen Hodgson | The Mankind Project: Healing Our Men

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BOYSEN HOGDSON is the Marketing & Communications Director for The Mankind Project USA. He works with a small team of staff and volunteers to create marketing materials, strategies, and programs to support the work of the ManKind Project in mentoring men through the passages in their lives.

In this conversation we discuss:

  • His mentor, Ray, who unified eighteen 1 room schoolhouses to form the very first elementary school system.
  • Letting ourselves be truly seen by other men.
  • The power and freedom of men healing themselves.
  • Being a father.

Quotes from this episode:

“The work that I do now with MKP is creating more men (like Ray Sant) to inspire others to see way bigger than they thought they could. I help men heal the parts of themselves that need to be healed in order to see themselves in a bigger context.”

“I learned I was capable of expressing myself in a  way that I didn’t think was possible. If I let that rage out it would consume me. If I let that grief be visible to the men around me it would consume me. I think that I’m not unique.”

“I learned that I could tell the truth in relationship and that I wouldn’t be rejected, even the parts of myself i thought were so ugly and horrible could be held.”

Resources from this episode: